The Jersey Shore party w/ DJ Pauly D last night @ Sutton Place was a straight up SHITSHOW.

Whitney, Cary and I arrived fairly early in order to avoid any lines, but it was only a matter of time before we were being pushed and squished by hundreds of Ed Hardy-wearing juiceheads and Snooki wannabes vying for a spot in front of the DJ booth. You’d swear it was almost like we were waiting for a REAL celebrity.

There were poofs, muscles, fist pumps, beat beaters, graphic tees, tans, shore whores — the works. For a moment, I truly forgot I was in Midtown Manhattan. Pauly finally showed up around 11 with his blowout lookin’ bulletproof as ever, but we didn’t even have the patience to stay and watch him work his magic on the turntables.

When we got home, I checked myself out in the mirror of our building’s foyer and discovered that MY POOF had made its way entirely to the left side of my head.

It’s tough being a guidette.