The Big Move of ‘09 is finally upon us, and in less than 24 hours, we’ll officially be living on the other side of our tiny little island.

I’ve called Midtown East home for the last two and a half years (over 70% of my New York life), and in terms of location, safety, entertainment and convenience, I think it’s perfection. Our 100-year-old, prewar (still don’t know which war) apartment building certainly has, um, lots of character, but beyond the basic wear and tear, 5C has been a comfy, quiet, roomy, livable home for us, and I’ll miss it dearly.

Nonetheless, I’m definitely looking forward to the excitement of Midtown West and the newness of it all. The new place isn’t perfect (is there such a thing in NYC?), but I FINALLY HAVE A BIG GIRL BED AND THAT’S ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS.

Things I will miss about Midtown East/Apartment 5C:

• THE LOCATION. 3 streets, 2 avenues and a mere song and a half on the iPod to reach my office on foot. No need for public transportation and no need to wake up before, say, 8:45AM.
• The insane amount storage. Space for ALL my crap (+ 17,000 pairs of shoes).
• Using the 5th floor as the best excuse for never working out.
• The lack of tourists. Nothing to see here, bitches!
• The closeness to the East River. For the rest of my life, I never want to be more than 5 minutes from a body of water (even if it DOES connect me to New Jersey).
• Our dear sweet Super, James, who always says, “Have a nice evening!” – even if it’s 9AM, and who always thinks I have a new haircut.
• James’ ladyfriend, Crazy Carol, who frequently dances outside the Italian restaurant on the corner for money…in an all-denim-and-rhinestone ensemble.
• The Taco Bell deliverymen who never judge us when our order surpasses the $10 minimum on a hangover Sunday. (I probably should have left this one out.)
• TURTLE BAY. The most ridiculous bar in Midtown, where upstairs, in the wee hours of the night, you’ll almost always find a party. A party SO classy, it feels like you’re in New Jersey. On Spring Break. In 1999.
• The comfort and convenience.

Things I absolutely, positively won’t miss:

• THE LOFT BED OF DEATH. Have you ever tried CLIMBING a ladder at 4AM after a Saturday night out? Trust me, the odds aren’t in your favor. In fact, the odds aren’t in your favor at any hour of any day. Get thee to a normal bed!
• The white pleather couch that always leans at an odd, uncomfortable angle and never looks like a decent piece of furniture, despite the number of throw pillows added to it.
• The I-can’t-believe-it-was-EVER-really-white chair in the living room imprinted with Whitney’s ass cheeks. It serves mostly as a time capsule of treasures from our tenancy.
• The excitement of the unknown! Is it a UPS package? A food delivery? A murderer? Who knows! The “TALK” button on the buzzer panel never works.
• The ONE missing kitchen tile that mysteriously DISAPPEARED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH.
• The bathtub from your worst nightmares.
• The ridiculous fights between James and Crazy Carol in the stairwell about who was going to get the hammer or who was answering the door or who was feeding Butterball that night.
• The curtains in my room that never REALLY fully shut. And the number of neighbors who receive a nightly eyeful. (They’re welcome.)
• Sweet old Betty from upstairs who, heaven forbid, can never make it to her 6th floor apartment without almost dying.
• Our carpet that bears a close resemblance to Astroturf.
• Everything the stupid cat did to that carpet. Let’s pray to god we get our deposit back or that cat is going for a little ride in a box back to Texas.

Farewell, 5C! Hope 4N can handle our awesomeness.