October 2009
Group Of Popular Girls Reduces Nation To Tears →
NEW YORK—A group of popular teenage girls viciously insulted the United States Tuesday, causing the populace to break down and cry following assertions that its 300 million citizens are stupid and fat and that everybody hates them.
GADABOUT (GĀD’Ə-BOUT’) N.
An aimless pleasure seeker; A traveler in search of enjoyment and amusement; One who roams or roves for social activity. (via)
Jack: Small towns are where you see the kindness and goodness and courage of every day Americans. The folks who are teaching our kids, running our prisons, growing our cigarettes. People who are still living by core living American values.
Liz Lemon: There are plenty of core American values in New York. ...But there are not restaurants called Fatty Fat Sandwich Ranch. Turn here, TURN HERE!!
Kenneth: Excuse me, Mr. Donaghy? I wasn't sure if you were participating in this year's pumpkin carving contest. Or, if like last year, I should go jump up my own ass.
Jack: Same as last year.
“There’s a difference between feminism and political correctness. P.C. sucks.”
– Diablo Cody, Elle
“Lately I feel like somebody made a big mess and I’ve got my mop and I’m mopping...”
– President Obama, just MOPPING SHIT UP. (Reuters) (via)
“You know you live in a gayborhood when… the repairman your super sends up...”
– Michael
The Real Librarians of New Jersey
Me: So how's the new Hoboken Library job?
Friend: It's okay. The women that work there are....interesting.
Friend: They are total jersey, not the sophisticated librarian type.
Friend: My first day, the women kept going outside to smoke cigarettes, and then when they got back, one of them asked another, "where were you? we were looking for you!"
Friend: And she replied, "I was pooping." UMMM.
Me: OMG
Me: The Real Librarians of New Jersey
Friend: That would be amazing.
Friend: Weight Watchers was the hot topic of discussion the other night.
Friend: ...while they were eating donuts.
Me: YES. Love it.
Friend: Also, there is a security guard who likes to be called Bulldog and who likes to "get crunked" on Friday nights.
Me: I think you mean just "crunk."
Friend: Whatever.
Me: This would DEFINITELY make some awesomely bad reality TV.
7 Bad Writing Habits You Learned in School →
This is a great little post, but the comments are definitely more interesting — lots of good discussion about language and grammar and English degrees.
Nothing like a little writer’s porn to start my morning.
Whitney: So how's the married life?
Friend: Married life is normal. It's just like hanging out with your best friend all the time. Like a sleepover every night.
Whitney: Aww.
Friend: It's probably like what you have with Sara.
Toby Lightman, “Operator”
“Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.”
– Marilyn Monroe
Monday Oct 26 is 'most unproductive day' →
Correct.
Al Green, “Love and Happiness”
“As a single woman, would you be more inclined to buy a new microwave if it could...”
– Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock (via)
“I heard about Sara’s…those happy hour specials will have you wearing 2...”
– My co-worker, after I sent out an email inviting some work friends over to the apartment for drinks next week.
It’s true.
How to Write With Style by Kurt Vonnegut →
Tracy Jordan: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack Donaghy: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?
Jess: I just read this article about WHY men "catcall" women on the street
me: I WILL TELL YOU WHY
me: BC THEY ARE ALL ANIMALS
Jess: srsly.
Jess: couldja do us all a favor and shut your fat traps?
Me: it's also bc most men don't get punished for doing it
Jess: its true.
Me: we should start catcalling dudes, see what they do.
Jess: there should be a law where we could spray them with something
Jess: every NY woman gets issued a can of low-grade mace
Jess: to use with abandon
Me: hahaha, brillz!
maybe.
Me: I mean, I've been in several serious, long-term, I-love-you relationships.
Audrey: Right. And let me guess: you wore the pants in all of them.
Me: Oh, precisely.
Audrey: Yeah, those weren't relationships. Those were SARA-SHIPS.
Me: Sara-ships. Yes. I need to blog that.
“Without the sex, dating is just letting people annoy you for no reason.”
– Accidentally on Purpose (via)
Susie Suh, “All I Want”
“I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me,...”
– Augusten Burroughs
Passion Pit, “The Reeling” (Live solo...
4:30 AM
Me: Whitney, that bartender just texted me. What do I say?
Whitney: Well he gave you free drinks all night, so I suggest writing something nice.
Me: [types] Okay. Done.
Whitney: What'd you write?
Me: Literally the words "something nice."
Whitney: Oh good lord. We've got a lot to work on.
From: Michael To: Sara Katherine Date: Fri, Oct 16, 2009 at 10:14 AM Subject: Sleepover
Wanna have a sleepover tonight? I am seeing a scary movie with Patti and will need to spoon with you in your big girl bed so I won’t be afraid. I can make you potatoes. Michael Sent from my iPhone
Whitney: you have this weird thing you do when you're hammered
Whitney: the shit that comes out of your mouth is inane
Whitney: but you're very reassuring about it
Whitney: and it all sounds legit when you're done with your spiel
Whitney: you can be like, "look. i just need to go out and set some trashcans on fire. but I WILL BE RIGHT BACK AND EVERYTHING IS FINE, JUST LAY DOWN AND I WILL BE BACK IN A MINUTE"
and for some reason it works brilliantly
Me: hahahhahaha
Me: it is part of my gift.
Whitney: not the word i would use.
“I’ll give you a New York minute. That’s 7 seconds.”
– Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock
Bon Iver & St. Vincent, “Roslyn”
...
Rufus Wainwright, “Chelsea Hotel No....
“We don’t need men. We girls can do what we feel. We girls are as strong as...”
– A VERY wise 9-year-old at the Tween Summit in D.C.
Glee, “Maybe This Time”